I have received so much positive feedback in the last couple of weeks I think I may have been getting high off it. It hasn’t slowed or stopped but my buzz is definitely wearing off. I woke up yesterday just feeling down for the first time since this whole ordeal started. I’ve woken up anxious, angry, devastated, and even excited so far but not low like this. I’ve been dealing with my intense emotions by letting them come through me (usually in the form of tears). On most occasions I was well on my way to recovering within 20 minutes with only a swollen red face to give away my previous distress.
I took an inventory yesterday morning that went something like this “hmmm… I’m feeling down today. Did something happen? Did something change?” initially I didn’t identify anything that I perceived as causal. I was getting sleep, I was eating well enough, I wasn’t facing any new challenges…
Oh wait, I know! My husband cheated on me and when I confronted him to tell him I couldn’t tolerate it he made no attempt to fight for our marriage and willingly walked out the door–that explains it!
The unknowns of the last two weeks were so painful to tolerate that the relief that came with knowing was nearly blissful. Like any high, it wore off and here I am… I remain hopeful. I don’t feel down on myself. I’m not afraid of what’s next. I’m certain that I will live a happy life. But right now I am living with the reality that the person who was my partner in this life just three short weeks ago chose to walk away from that. And damn that hurts.