well, it finally happened…

I missed my self-imposed deadline.  Friday came and went and I didn’t blog.  Now, to me… it’s still Friday night because I haven’t been to bed yet, but technically it’s Saturday and hopefully all of you are sleeping peacefully.

hmmm… what to write about…

You see, that’s the real issue here.  I thought it would be hard to stick to my thrice-weekly writing commitment and it has been surprisingly simple to integrate into my life, except on the days that I don’t think about what to write and am not struck with divine inspiration (you would think that on Good Friday of all days inspiration would be in abundance…  perhaps if I were a good Christian instead of the godless heathen I am).  So, now that I’ve managed to successfully commit to writing three days a week I think now I need to commit to thinking about writing three days a week.

So I missed my deadline.  I didn’t blog.  And now I have a choice. I can feel bad about it. Or not.  I don’t think I’m going to feel bad about it.

Nah.  I’m not going to feel bad about it.

I didn’t blog but I did go to a great event, hung out with some cool peeps (shout out to my LLC/BB!), and then spent some quality phone time with a favorite.  If the goal of this whole thing is to get full on life instead of food (which it is), I’d say that I had a full plate (of life, not food) today and I’m going with it.

This week went by at a rapid pace and I think that is largely due to my current relationship with myself.  I had a lot of big feelings this week (anger and sadness included which aren’t my favorites.  question for you: what are your favorite feelings?!) but I didn’t experience any pain, torture, or distress.  This is a new experience for me. I think it comes from a place where I attempt to apply the same principles I apply to my relationship with spiderman to my relationship with myself:

Every thought or feeling I have is a normal, expected reaction to my life experience and abilities… no need to judge them or label them or punish or reward them.  Just accept them.  Let them be.  Observe them.  Then they pass and life goes on.

magic.  (by the way, sometimes when spiderman asks me how i do something i spontaneously answer “magic” before i think about the fact that it’s my job to explain to him the way the world works.  my kid totally thinks i am magic.  which i am.  but that’s a different story.)

2 thoughts on “well, it finally happened…

  1. CMairena

    Great question… This week I felt different things… But the theme was definitely, annoyance. I’m annoyed by a lot of things… With the tac season coming to an end (taking over dad’s business), I’m annoyed by folks that wait to the last minute. I’m annoyed by people who think I have total control of their refund… I even got annoyed at my mom for breaking down a bit this week. I sometimes need her to be my rock… It’s hard being the rock and sometimes I wish i had the luxury to just cry… But I can’t. I’ve been anxious as well… What am I going to do when the chaos of the tax season ends? Will I have to deal with my feelings then?? I haven’t been on my treadmill nor attended the gym for 2 weeks… I think I’m serving myself a tall glass of “sabotage.”

    1. bossypants

      dang. a tall glass of sabotage. what a beautiful choice of words–that hit me hard (in a good way)! i can’t imagine how you are holding it all together, everything you’re doing on top of grief (or trying to grieve, or maybe trying not to grieve). i can say from experience that the distraction won’t last forever, but it’s okay to hold onto it while it’s still serving you. xo


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