Wow, 100 posts, that’s cool. That’s not what I came here to write about but it’s what I was confronted with when I arrived. That seems to be what this blog is all about… honoring what we’re confronted with when it isn’t what we planned for or expected, eh?
Before I do that and to make sure that I don’t fall short of my promises to keep you informed I want to get two things out of the way…
- Dalai Lama: despite an initially overwhelming start that involved many winding lines of people in the parking lot of the Long Beach Arena and an underwhelming warm up before I could really understand what HH was talking about… it was fun. I was with a great group of ladies, and the knowledge being shared (while not new–and yes I feel a little self important for saying that, but yeah… I didn’t hear anything new. I suppose that could mean that I wasn’t open to hearing something new, but I’m just going to go with: I’m really fucking enlightened. Like Dalai Lama-esque enlightened) was on point.
- Heartbreak: I’m sorry to back peddle here, but it’s gone back into sacred space so there’s not much I’m willing to share… What I can say: The person I have been having a non-relationship with since the beginning of this year isn’t in my life right now (as of 5:00 a.m. Sunday morning). It was a mutually, self-loving choice on both of our parts and this isn’t the end of our story, but despite that and despite the beautiful day we shared Saturday and into the early light of Sunday… I am indeed heartbroken. Or perhaps more accurately terrified of future heartbreak. Lucky (ha, like it’s “luck.” Luck is just what people who don’t know about magic call magic) for me, this month’s theme is right on par with quieting the mind and soothing a broken heart.
This month is called “ish.” To me, that’s about living in the unknown, living with uncertainty, living without the answers… and the only way I know how to do that is through my spiritual self.
Here’s what I am committed to this month:
- Daily meditation (2-3 times a day. I’d like to do it upon waking and before bed and maybe midday too)
- Daily intuitive conversations (these are conversations I have with my intuition by sitting down with a notebook that was once my “morning pages” and just start writing–usually questions, and get the most loving answers… it’s pretty much the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced within myself)
- Spiritual Journeys (literally… I am going to go places that are known for their spiritual energy and just be there and soak it in. Probably only two because I have a limited amount of child free weekends, but I’ll do as much as I can)
- Tapping into resources (I’m going to look everywhere and anywhere for information about my authentic self–astrology, tarot, talks, books, podcasts, a labyrinth, you all, all sorts of places)
- Group spirituality (I am going to “church.” Anyplace I can find where people gather to build their spiritual energy)
So far, here’s what I know. I have been more loving to myself since this project started than I ever have been in my life. This self love has increased my already enormous (sometimes generous to a fault) capacity for loving others. I was told today in my intuitive conversation that if I can give myself the love I am always trying to give others I will have everything I need. Of course this is kind of vague, cryptic, and overwhelming but to give it more context…
Someone I love very much (you can go ahead and guess who that is) heard me tell them something in response to some fearfulness they were having this weekend. When I repeated it back to myself I realized that I can very literally take the love I have been giving her and give it directly back to myself. Here’s what it was:
Nothing bad is happening. Something good is happening. Anticipating and preparing future disappointment does not delay or prevent it nor does it lessen the pain when disappointment comes. All that it does is rob us of the opportunity to experience the joy of the present moment.
Hear that self? If it was good enough for her it is good enough for you.
Seems like a good place to start.