post-meltdown state of mind

I’m surprised by a lot lately.  It could be because I am not paying very close attention, but I am going to decide this is because I have been successfully living free of expectation…  go me!

In the aftermath of Monday’s meltdown I am surprised by how quickly it came up and also, now, by how quickly it’s faded away.  When looking at it from this direction, though, I can see why it wasn’t that surprising at all.  I knew I hadn’t been taking the greatest care of myself for a few weeks.  I kept saying it, and then going to bed… because sleep is an important part of self care.  Unfortunately it is also a terrifically effective self care avoidance tactic.

Other important self care practices that cannot be accomplished while sleeping are:

  • eating food that nourishes my body
  • incorporating intentional movement into my day
  • formal mindfulness
  • just for pleasure time: reading, the respite of television, baths, snuggling, naked time alone, naked time with beloved
  • not cramming every free minute of every day with something to “do” and ignoring the nagging feeling behind your shoulder blade that says “get out of that desk chair and put me into the bath with a book!  please!  i’m begging you!”

It’s pretty easy to see (again, from this perspective) how I got myself into the state of meltdown I experienced earlier this week.  It also ended being, in retrospect–because it sure as hell didn’t feel that way at the time!–pretty easy to get myself out of it (thanks to the magical cocktail of asking for the support I needed and then getting it from a very generous partner).  What I hope will also be easy (and not just in retrospect, it would be great if it could just feel easy right now… please) is recommitting to my self care.

I have a bunch of stuff to do tonight.  I have a piece to write for class tomorrow.  I need to workshop the other students’ work (also for class tomorrow).  I have reading to do for class tomorrow (ugh… this “class tomorrow” thing is becoming a very present weight).

paper with typed information on it

super mom to the rescue!

I just finished preparing a four page packet for the Student Support Team meeting at my kiddo’s school tomorrow morning and I need to make my notes.  I have laundry to fold…

…but it all has to wait.  Because that shoulder blade twinge is calling me to the bath and/or a new episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race.  Save me from a future meltdown RuPaul… Save me!


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