I have ideas throughout the week that I jot down on post-it notes or emails to myself. I save texting myself for shopping lists. Then on blogging days I go through the little notes and:
- spend a few minutes trying to find a way to talk about all of them in a cohesive way
- remember the few times I attempted that in the past and failed miserably
- pick one, promising to come back to the rest
- the blog gets written
- I never come back to the rest
This week, I blew all my best material on Facebook status updates and Tweets already. I’ve got nothing left. Oh wait, no I do have one thing…
I had a pap smear this week. When the broad shouldered, swaggering, low-voiced, female doctor with green stripes in her hair (she reminded me of Josie from Top Chef) asked me if I was taking birth control I said no. Then she asked me if I was sexually active with a bit of a screwed up look on her face (that told me she was waiting for me to say yes so she could educate me about my options). When I said yes, and then interrupted her next line with “with a woman.” And then followed it up with “the BEST kind of birth control.” Her reply was “OH YEAH!” followed by a hearty laugh, which cemented my suspicions about her inclination towards the fairer sex.
Then the procedure began and… I felt nothing. Seriously. It was miraculous. There was no uncomfortable pressure. No pinching with the clicks of a speculum opening. No cramping from the scraping of the collection wand. Nothing. The most traumatizing part of the visit was that, again, she reminded me of Josie from Top Chef.
And I couldn’t help but think that if anyone is going to know more about vaginas (and how to treat them nicely) than an OBGYN, it’s going to be a lesbian OBGYN.
And that was my only unused joke this week. There you have it.
Mercury is in retrograde. None of the photos I’ve taken in the last couple of days are coming out right. My phone battery is draining faster than my bathtub. I’m in an astrologically rationalized spaciness that could also be described as the crash post writing high from last week. I stayed home and slept all day yesterday.
It was kind of awesome once I accepted it.