For the first time (that I’m aware of) in almost six years I came home from a long (tiring, grumpy, crankified, plain-old-stank-face) day and was re-energized (recharged, renewed, refueled, made joyful) by spending time with my child. Perhaps many of you mothers have been doing this for moons (or even moons times twelve), but this is new for me.
And it helped me see just how far I’ve come.
The other night, my beloved was talking to me about a project she is working on and I found it hard to hold back the tears of gratitude I felt for the moment. Just her being there, being her, with me, in this life, that’s now mine, that I wanted, sought, found, and now live in… WOAH.
The kicker–The how to–The way to make it yours too: choose it.
It’s oversimplified, yes. Choosing it means not choosing other things (which is really hard to do sometimes, especially when those other things are cheese, booze, the comfort of being treated like shit, and other addictive things). Choosing it means being okay with whatever comes up (the shitty days, the mistakes, the getting triggered and yelling at everyone you love for no damn reason, the stubbed toes, getting sick every other week, and however it shows up for you because clearly that list was all about me).
Over and over I have been told that I can choose how I feel, choose how I react (and even go so far as to change that to “respond”), choose my path… and over and over I resist that because it feels REALLY HARD in the moment when I need to the most. And over and over I find myself on the other side of something I chose for myself… and damn it if it doesn’t work.
This is awesome.
I haven’t been blogging much because I haven’t really been feeling like it. Here are some life highlights for your enjoyment:
- Beloved and I are collaborating on a big, brave, beautiful business venture (more on that soon)
- Lots of trips planned this summer (Portland, New Hampshire, New York, Seattle, & Alaska)
- This is the last week of school–We survived Kindergarten! (only 12 more years to go…)
- After the shingles I got strep throat… that was fun
- I’ve rearranged the furniture at home twice in the last week
- We are fostering a guinea pig!