I don’t plan to have an entry for every day of this journey… I might, but I don’t plan on it. I thought I’d plan to write one for every day of the first week because those days seemed significant, but really I’ll just write on any day that is significant. And so far that has been all of them.
To be completely honest, I haven’t spent a lot of time on the feelings portion of this detox. I’ve noted to myself and you that I’m having feelings, that they’re uncomfortable or unpleasant, and that I know I need to do something to give them my attention that they may be released. But I haven’t. I’m still entirely focused on the food part. That’s where we are! And that’s okay.
Let me tell you about yesterday (day 6). Yesterday was the first day that I was going to have a plate of food that I may not be able to eat in front of me. I was attending a breakfast event for work where the menu typically consists of some kind of egg dish, asparagus, a roasted tomato, and some kind of cream sauce. When I arrived I had my green drink in me (I had consumed it in the last 5 minutes of the 20 minute car ride instead of nursing it for 2 hours like usual), a couple safe teabags in my purse, my water bottle, and my resolve. I was just going to deal with whatever came.
Then I had an opportunity to speak to a server. As I was setting my things down he asked me if there was anything he could get me.
Oh no, thank you, I’m good. I do have a question though?
I don’t eat dairy or wheat, is there an option for me this morning?
Sure, miss! I will bring you a fruit plate! How about that!
(and he was so damn enthusiastic that before thinking I said…) Yes! Thank you!
Except… I can’t eat a fruit plate either. That’s okay. Back to plan A. Deal with whatever comes. The table was preset with a small fruit cocktail, a platter of baked goods, a million little balls of butter, a cup of coffee, and a glass of orange juice. The meals were being served and I noticed the expected fare: a piece of quiche, asparagus, tomato, the cream sauce, and a surprise dollop of grilled onions but… THE CREAM SAUCE WAS ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE QUICHE NOT EVEN TOUCHING THE VEGETABLES! I COULD EAT THE VEGETABLES! (ack! Why did I even say anything! I should have stuck with plan a! Now I’m stuck with this stupid fruit plate from which I can eat two blueberries! ack! ack! ack!).
Settled down my mind. Folded my hands in my lap. Took a deep breath. Had a sip of water. And turned my direction elsewhere. Then magic happened.
Ooh! A fruit plate! I want a fruit plate! How did you get that? a benevolent colleague asks…
Want to trade?
So I ate the asparagus and onions. And occasionally gazed longingly at the baked goods and quiche. But mostly drank my water and listened to the presentation. And what I heard was messages for me.
Most of the time I leave these events wishing I hadn’t come. I eat something that doesn’t do right by my body, the room is huge and loud and I’m sensitive to those things, there’s small talk in droves (ugh), and I end up bored during both the speeches and musical numbers.
This time, I heard what I needed to hear to keep going that morning. I live tweeted inspirational quotes as fast as my fingers could fly. I sang along to “This Little Light of Mine” without care that I was singing (mostly) alone. And it was lovely. And I was grateful.
And later, I got to eat.
What I ate that day:
- Green drink (kale, celery, green apple, ginger, lemon)
- Asparagus & grilled onions. And a few blueberries and raspberries.
- Broccoli, eggs, & chimchurri
- Leftover breaded rockfish, quinoa, green salad
- 1/2 green apple with almond butter
- handful of raw sunflower seeds
- green salad with egg salad, smoked salmon and avocado