On Saturday, 2/20, on day 42 of my journey towards myself (brought to you by eliminating the following ingestible items: grains, sugar (including fruit and vegetables that grow under the ground) and sugar substitutes, cow dairy, alcohol, caffeine) I gathered with the other members of the One Spirit Medicine group and went on a Vision Question.
At the end of Villoldo’s book, the Vision Question is the culmination of the experience, in which one receives One Spirit Medicine. In other words, this is when/where/how you get divine guidance. You’ve eaten in a way that removes all barriers from your authentic connection to earth and spirit and as such you are open to receiving what the universe really has in store for you. Villoldo’s idea of a vision quest is 3 days in the desert with just yourself, some water, a notebook, and a pen. I’m into the idea (call me crazy), but it wasn’t part of this program. Our Vision Quest was more of a bourgeois Vision Quest. 3 hours instead of 3 days. At Descanso Gardens instead of in the desert. And fasting was optional (I opted for it, but I wasn’t even done digesting the enormous breakfast I’d eaten that morning in preparation by the time we were done).
We were instructed to go find ourselves a place to be (maybe we’d stay there the whole time, maybe we’d move) and then be open to the possibility that more could happen in those three hours than had happened in the last 40+ days. Okay, sounds reasonable.
I was scared. And very frantic. I had forgotten my chap stick, and my totem rock, and some other thing(s) I can’t remember now. I had done SO well, what was I going to do now? How was I going to keep from slipping back under?
I’m not going to tell you all about what happened on my Vision Quest. Either because it’s sacred, or because I’m saving it for a book. Only time will tell. But I’ll tell you we were advised to write and journal and let ideas and thoughts come without judgment. And we were told that the thoughts that came that were the juiciest, so juicy that we could’t imagine coming up with them ourselves, THOSE were the messages from spirit. That was One Spirit Medicine. And THAT was the vision the universe had for us, and the one we were destined to follow.
A few tidbits from the universe’s vision for me:
- Alignment – I cried for most of the first hour because I was overwhelmed by gratitude. I had never taken such good care of myself in my life and as such I was finding myself (for the first time EVER) completely aligned. There was no part of me and how I showed up in the world that was not aligned with my values, beliefs, priorities, etc. I was no longer a wonderful person who pushed her beliefs aside to gorge on McDonald’s, I was just a wonderful person.
- Children’s Book Author – Then I wrote a children’s book about a daffodil and a lilac
- Memoir Author – Then I outline a whole other book about being a mother (that I’ve been afraid to write for years because I have this belief that my story will be unwelcomed because my child is far from a model of perfection).
- Children’s Series Author – Then I outline a whole series of other nature based children’s book characters
I guess I’ll be doing a lot of writing on my destined path. Sounds like a plan.
So, it’s over… in that the 6 weeks have passed. I was successful, by my own evaluation. These are my before and after pictures. Let me just tell you, the light that appears to be illuminating my face in the 2nd picture, it’s coming from the inside.
I plan to continue this way of fueling my body (and being this aligned, because let me tell you — that shit is AMAZING. Can’t beat it).
The night after the vision quest I “broke the fast” by making these (I didn’t have coconut water so I used 4 TB of water and 1 TB of coconut oil, and I only had sweetened coconut so I opted out of mixing it with the chia and just rolled some in plain chia and saved the coconut for others) and eating 3 of them and having a few parsnip chips. The energy balls made me a little antsy (caffeine?) and the parsnip chips were sweet (yuck). I am not missing anything. How could I miss the suffering that comes from being a victim of my own habits?
I FINALLY understand the “we admit we are powerless” step in AA (et al). I used to have SO much resistance to that idea… how would feeling powerless inspire or motivate me to change? That’s not what it’s about at all. Knowing when you are in over your head is strength. Knowing how to walk away from what will hurt you is courage. Being powerless over a substance or behavior isn’t weakness, it’s brain chemistry. It’s life. And the choice to realize that truth is when, where, and how you get ALL THE POWER BACK.
What I ate today:
- Hot water with lemon (I am over making green juice for the time being)
- 2 over medium eggs on a green salad, 1/4 avocado, 2 slices of the Focaccia from the Wheat Belly Cookbook (it’s almond, garbanzo bean, and flax seed)
- Green salad with egg salad and another 1/4 avocado
- A handful of almonds, pecans, and cashews
- Shrimp curry over sautéed kale
- (I went a little off book and ate) blueberries with some stevia sweetened/poisoned coconut whipped cream I had made from 1/2 a can of leftover coconut milk
- roasted seaweed snack