Lesson #3: It’s 5 o’clock somewhere

Two unrelated things of note before I get into tonight’s lesson…

1. The epiphany-emotional-release-I’m-going-to-start-a-new-blog-project post happened to be my 200th post. Ever.  That seems pretty important.  One my 100th post I created the Self Love Challenge.  I guess my subconscious is now programmed to invent blog projects on significant post number.  Brains are fascinating.

2. I already forgot to use my hashtag last week… Let’s see if I remember this week.

The truth about tonight’s lessons is that it’s too early to call it “learned.”  In fact, we should probably just toss it onto the pile of “shit I need to work on” that we’re calling lessons now in the forward thinking hope/expectation that they’re going to get worked on and come to some resolution.

Earlier today I was texting J (my girlfriend/partner/lover/youpickatitle) and she shared she was having a glass of wine on the porch while doing some work (she works for herself… she can do these things <—see, I even have to justify her behavior) and I was all a flutter.

“THAT’S ALLOWED?!” my internal dialogue screamed, and then my live person texted.  It was timely because it was something I had considered several times over the last week.  I could sit at the computer in the evening while doing my room parent duties, writing this blog, proofreading J’s work and enjoy a glass of wine…  Except I didn’t.  Something stopped me.  Probably the same thing that made me download this the other day.

This is actually champagne, but we're working on imperfection here.

This is actually champagne, but we’re working on imperfection here.

Reasons why I didn’t have the wine:

  1. I wouldn’t feel great tomorrow: when I drink (even a little), I sleep like a rock, and then the next day feel a little sore and wrecked
  2. I was already dehydrated: the water bottle I carry around all day has mold in the straw.  I haven’t found the right tool to clean it and as a result my regular H20 intake is way down
  3. I would have to pour it: which involves standing up, reaching to the back of the refrigerator where it is, getting a glass, opening the bottle… all before pouring.  There’s cleanup after too

 

Real reason why I didn’t have the wine:

  1. I thought I shouldn’t have the wine.  There’s something wrong with having wine.

Why do I think that?  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with other people having wine (even alone, regularly, on a weeknight).  I just think there’s something wrong with me having wine.  I can’t even tell you why.  All I can tell you is that I have frequently started to type whine instead of wine in this post.  That is probably important in a freudian way.

Without any clarity or resolution about the source of this issue I am going to face it head on.  I’m having wine tonight.  Good girl, you’re on break.  Perfectionism, you’re about to get drowned out (because I’m a lightweight).

 

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