What was I going to write about tonight? I know it was about resistance, but what about resistance? Bah… I should keep better notes.
I saw a psychic today. It was awesome. She didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know, but as she would explain it that’s because I’m as psychic as her and already know quite a lot. I suppose that’s true. The things she told me were very affirming and validating and are all things I believe about myself, my path, and my future. Pretty-fucking-cool, I tell you. Pretty-fucking-cool.
Then on the way home I ate the worst possible dinner ever (wienerschnitzel). Ew. We can talk about what that little act of self loathing is all about later.
For now let’s see if I can remember what I was going to say about resistance.
As you may recall resistance came up in therapy late last week as an indicator that I was on the cusp of something big… just on the other side of resistance is something so wonderful that it is terrifying (hence the resistance–a clever little creation of the ego meant to protect you). Then it came up again on Sunday at the meditation group!
The teacher was speaking about an experience he was having in his life: he is splitting his time each week between Long Beach and Ojai California and he noticed that he was having a difficult time sticking with his intentions in Ojai (he just moved up there and is there for half the week). His walks are getting shorter, he reads the whole paper instead of just the first few pages, he has a coffee and donut with said paper, he does only a few sun salutations and does a lot of “corpse pose” (which even if you don’t know yoga you can guess doesn’t require much physical effort) in his daily yoga practice, he makes it to noon or one in the afternoon before he has “sat” (meditated)… This is quite different from the structured routine he had for himself in Long Beach and from the routine he imagined for himself in Ojai.
He goes on to ask all of us what we think is going on with him and after a series of “close” answers are proposed he reveals that he is experiencing resistance… Now he doesn’t get into it deeply enough for me to explain to you exactly what about his situation is revealing that resistance because we just talk about resistance so I hope you’ll stay with me because here’s what comes next.
|resistance isn’t a game… oh wait, yes it is.|
the solution to any problem is awareness. and as is also true of any issue, you can’t beat it… you have to figure out how to work with it. so, he and I are experiencing resistance, we know that resistance is a diversion of our ego, we know that on the side of it is a far more illuminating experience than the one we are having now… so what do we do?
well, if the solution is awareness we can start there. I want to become aware of the resistance–okay, I know it exists… but that doesn’t really seem to be awareness. Knowing isn’t awareness, thinking isn’t awareness… thinking is the OPPOSITE of awareness. Another opposite of awareness: pattern. And we exist in patterns. We are comfortable in patterns. Our reptilian brains (the parts that focus on keeping us alive) thrive in pattern…
So is it reasonable to expect that if we can become interested in our pattern that interest will develop into awareness and the pattern will dissolve away? Is it possible that I am reeeeeaaaaallllly onto something with the “conscious choice log” that I am so “resistant” to using? I’m going to guess yes.
So, I’m setting an intention here to be aware of my patterns–to write more shit down–to observe and notice my inclinations–to assess how they match up to my intentions… to simply become AWARE of the PATTERNS and see if that dissolves them and the resistance right along with it.
How does that sound? Want to try it too?